ONE YEAR (yes, I'm screaming)

One year. There were definitely days last September that made me wonder if Larkin and I would make it to a year. He would get so frustrated that I couldn’t read his mind and know exactly what he wanted. Now I wish I could play dumb and not understand that he wants to listen to “Five little Monkeys” over and over again in the car!

One year. The saying, “We made it, but we may not look like much” comes to mind. We survived our first year. And if Larkin learns as much next year, as he did in this year, I am going to have to study to keep up!

I have found things over the past few years that I have saved to use for our first year together. Some of them I have written, some are stolen from other places.

I found a beautiful piece of artwork the other day with this quote, “Being a family means you are a part of something very wonderful. It means you will love and be loved for the rest of your life. No matter what.” Now, the “no matter what” part is questionable. I will question my love for Larkin if he makes me attend football games where I am forced to wear any shade of orange, purple, or blue. But do not think that this means I will be satisfied with a college career at Arkansas, Mississippi State, or Texas A&M. This just means that I look better in crimson than orange ;) And if he keeps eating and gaining weight at the current rate, he will get invitations to attend all of these schools.

One Tree Hill has always been one of my favorite shows. You can judge me. I don’t care. When Peyton was pregnant, I cried during every episode of that nine-month time period. She wrote a poem for her future child, and I copied it into my quote journal. I added a few things to it to make it apply to Larkin. (So some of this is mine and some of this comes from the writers of the CW).

This would have been more appropriate for my blog one year ago. But I was WAY too busy moving clothes and diapers around in suitcases to make sure nothing was over the 50 pound weight limit. I did not have time to blog. And if it weren’t for Dora, I wouldn’t have time to write this blog one year (and a few days) later. Okay, so here it is. Prepare for tears….Don’t say I didn’t warn you!


Today is the day my life begins.
Today I become a mother.

Today I become accountable to someone other than myself. (Yep, I’m already crying.)
Today I become accountable to you, my child-to all the possibilities your new life has to offer.

I will be ready for anything, for everything. To take on life. To take on love and heartache and bad dreams and monsters under the bed.

Today I become a citizen of the world.
Today I become a grown-up.
Today I become accountable to the world
To the future

Staring today, my job is to be there for you.
To show up, wide-eyed and ready for anything, for everything

To take on life
To take on love
To take on questions
To take on fears
To take on the responsibility and the possibility of motherhood.

Today my life begins and I cannot wait. (Insert more tears).

Every time I say or type the word ‘year,’ I have to take a minute and just breathe. I am sure that each year will get easier-or maybe not-but I never want to lose the breathless feeling that I have when I think of our time together.

Larkin uses a hot pink dumbbell as a microphone to sing everything from “Jesus loves Me” to Justin Beiber. Larkin is also a “mini-teenager.” When I wake him in the mornings, he pulls the covers over his head or puts his pillow over his face. If he does this at age 3, what’s going to happen when he is 16?!?!

A few of your best accomplishments:
o Potty training
o Knowing the answers to the questions on Dora and Diego
o Using your fingers to count to ten
o Telling me about what you did all day
o Knowing the difference in a tractor, a dump truck, a crane, and a BIG truck
o Knowing colors, thanks to popsicles
o Memorizing almost every word to Cars
o Using your pointer finger when you tell me you will “Be right back”
o Speaking in third person
o Always flushing the toilet-even if it doesn’t need flushing
o Flushing the toilet-even if it is an automatic one
o Saying, “back me” when you want something back (usually something Gus took)
o Yelling from another room, “Where are you?” when a year ago you wouldn’t
leave my side
o Always patting the bed for me for me to lay down with you
o And most importantly: Living your life with wreckless abandon
(something your mom needs to learn)

Ethiopian Court meets Pulaski Police Department

While I was drowning in school registration paperwork, I missed two major Larkin milestones. On August 2, 20101, I met Larkin for the first time. I remember journaling that Baby Z was a rock star! Every nanny and America World employee loved him. But he sure knew how to cry to get his way. And neither one of these things have changed!



On August 6, 2010, I went to court to become Larkin’s legal guardian. But on August 5th, I was told that I would not pass court. Which meant my whole trip to Ethiopia was pointless-except for getting to spend 2 weeks with Larkin! I have never been as stressed in my entire life. I sent out an urgent email for prayers and God answered. While I was meeting with Larkin’s birthmom, (throw on some more stress), the court called to say that I had passed after all. I remember breaking down in tears and having his birthmom stare at me in utter confusion. I wasn’t going to pass court because the Pulaski Police Department background check wasn’t on official letterhead. It was just on a plain white piece of paper, and the Ethiopian government said that I could have made it up myself. Which I guess I could have. But how was I to know that on the other side of the world, this would be a problem. I have learned my lesson now! And now the America World staff knows to catch that with every family. Glad we all learned something at my expense! But if it saves another family from the eye twitching, red faced stress that I felt that day, then I guess it was worth it.

The night before court, I was given a DVD of Larkin’s birthmom telling her story. I sat and cried through the entire interview. I’m thankful there were subtitles because I couldn’t hear her talking for my sobbing. And then on August 6th for court, I knew her immediately when she walked in. She and Larkin look identical from the nose up. Their eyes are strikingly the same. My breath caught in my chest when she walked in. So young and so afraid. She was seven hours away from home with only one other birthmom with her. I was nervous, but at least I had the familiarity of my sister and the families that were becoming forever friends.

When I met the judge, she asked me how my relationship with Zelalem was progressing. I told her that we bonded instantly. It was comforting to be able to speak English and have her understand it. It is always a little strange to say something and then wait for it to be translated and repeated. I am always nervous that they won’t be able to translate my exact words or their meanings. So I was glad that when I told her he seemed like he knew me instantly and felt comfortable enough to fall asleep in my arms within a few hours, she truly understood what I meant.

Lots of things have changed in the past year, but the fact that Larkin can go from extremely happy to super angry or sad in 2 seconds has not.

Every day is an adventure!

I always write this blog in Word and then copy and paste it over...leave it to this computer to not cooperate today! Like I don't have anything else to do but write a blog twice! ha!

As I sat down to write this blog about 10 months with Larkin, "Charmed Life" by Joy Williams started playing on my iPod. And how appropriate! Life with Larkin is unexpected and tough at times, but definitely what Joy would call a charmed life!

Since I wrote my 9 month blog, Larkin has started putting more and more words together to make sentences. And I am blown away! He gracefully rolled off his Mack truck the other day and said, "I fell down." I almost fell down because this was not a sentence that I remember working on with him.

We went to the zoo last Saturday and Larkin could name almost every animal there. We had only been to the zoo one other time. The boy is a sponge! And I love it! As a teacher, I want my child to be smart. Every parent wants their child to be smart. But as a teacher, I feel like we put extra pressure on our kids to be the best. And I want all of my students to be the best they can be. And if that means they are B or C students, then that is great! If that is the best they can do, then I am proud. And I want the same for Larkin. I am sure that school will be tough for him. English is his 3rd language to learn in 3 years. The village that he is from speaks a different dialect than Amharic. So he has had to learn a truer form of Amharic, as well as English. I think of his dialect as Cajun is to standard English. And then I laugh because I think of Swamp People-which Larkin loves, so it is a great comparison.

Our 10 month journey starts with Larkin's first plane ride since coming home from Ethiopia. As we were going to the zoo on Saturday, Larkin asked to ride in an airplane. And I am actually able to grant that wish. We leave this afternoon for a wonderful, fun-filled week in Colorado. I am so excited about low humidity and cooler temperatures. But I am even more excited that our 10 month anniversary gets to be spend with the people that were in Ethiopia with me as I started this journey.

Not a day goes by that I am not thankful for the group that God placed together. We immediately bonded over embarrassing stories and Texas shaped waffles....and more luggage than we ever dreamed we would carry! I sort of feel like I'm packing for Ethiopia again with all of the packing and repacking and weighing I have done this week. But it was worth it then and I know it will be worth it this time!

I came across a poem from another adoptive mom's blog and I just love it! I think about it all the time. The words are so perfect for our situation as parents. No, I did not carry Larkin in my womb. No, I did not give him his first bath or witness his first step, but I will forever watch him as he reaches new milestones and continues to grow into the amazing child that he is.

Okay, so here is the poem.

I didn't give you the gift of life, but in my heart I know.
The love I feel is deep and real, as if it had been so.
For us to have each other is like a dream come true.
No, I didn't give you the gift of life.
Life gave me the gift of you.

Wow! I love the last two lines. Gives me chills every time I read them! I have such an amazing gift in Larkin. He is so much like each member of my family it is scary!

When Stephanie was little, she never wanted to wear clothes. And Larkin is the same way. I find random articles of clothes all over the house throughout the day. Now Steph is one of the most modest people I know. So maybe Larkin will outgrow this naked phase too!

And Larkin sweats on his upper lip. It is the first place he sweats. Just like my great-grandfather did. And he passed that to my mom and to me. And now to Larkin. Oh, Larkin would have loved Papa Taylor. They could have spent hours building things and wearing overalls! Papa would have loved that little boy.

Okay, I wasn't going to cry this month, but there goes that goal!

Happy 10 months, Larkin! Let's celebrate with an adventure!

Wheels up!

Changed Forever

One year ago today started out just like any other day. I was on summer vacation. So I slept late, probably ate leftover pizza for breakfast, and then caught up on TV shows. Sometime that afternoon, I thought about what I would wear to Nashville. I had to pick up Dana from the airport. She was coming home from her month in Rwanda and I could not wait to hear ALL about it! I figured she might want to go to dinner that night since she would have eaten African food for an entire month. I know that being in Ethiopia, I am glad to be home and to not eat Italian for a while.

On my way to the airport, I got a phone call. Okay, let me set the scene. Dana’s flight landed around 5:00 p.m. So I have to deal with everyone in Nashville trying to get home. And I have to get all the way over to the airport. Nashville traffic doesn’t bother me. I know where I am going (most of the time). But now throw into the mix a phone call from a 770 area code. The area code where America World is located! So, on top of navigating through traffic, I now I to answer the phone.

And who knows what they want when they call. It could be a million different things-something could be wrong with my paperwork once it got to Ethiopia, they are letting me know that I need to prepare to wait another few months, or they could be calling to let me know I have been matched.

Today’s call was the referral call. 5:00 traffic was no match for the adrenaline rush that I felt when the girl on the other end of the phone said that had a match for me. An adorable two-year-old boy who seems shy and reserved, but very smart. He is small for his age, but has shown growth in the past few months since he had been placed in the orphanage. She went on to tell me about his health issues-nothing I couldn’t deal with. And I honestly don’t think anything she would have told me would have deterred me. I was trying to think rationally and process all of the things she was telling me. I was also trying to take notes about what she was saying while I was driving. I know. Not the safest thing I could have done! But I was overwhelmed with emotion. And I am a note-taking kind of person. So this just goes with who I am. I don’t care about safety as much as I care about having info about my potential future child.

While I am taking notes, she tells me that she will email all of this information to me. Great to know now that I have almost taken out a few cars ;) She is also going to include some photos of the boy. And at this point that is all he was- a little boy from Ethiopia who could possibly be my child, if I accept the referral. Once I got off the phone with her, my phone loaded the email that she had sent. I could not wait to open the pictures and see him. But I made a few phone calls first. I called my family and tried to remember all of the details I was given.

Once I got to the airport, and parked to wait for Dana, I allowed myself to open the email and see his face. Well, it was love at first sight. Duh! How could you look at his face and not fall in love! But, I was still trying to be rational. Some of the medical things that she told me were a little frightening. But in my heart, I could already picture this child as my own. Just the two of us against the world. Who cared about low iron or being really tiny for his age? I didn’t. Nothing mattered once I saw his face.

*See nine month blog for the picture I received that day

So Dana was the first one I told face to face. She cried with me as I jumped for joy (literally-embarrassing, I know!). Hey, I was at the airport. I could have been jumping for joy because I had not seen Dana’s smiling face for an entire month. And I will admit that every time I went to Nashville and did not see her, it felt weird, like something was missing. But she was home now, so all was right with the world.

And the world had just gotten a little happier. Baby Z, what Larkin went by until I decided on Larkin, was going to have a family. I just had to jump through a few more hoops until he was officially mine.

My family has not always been so supportive of the idea of me adopting from Ethiopia. “Why not get a baby from Russia so it will look like you?” “Are you sure he is only two? He looks older.” “Do you know how hard your life is going to be with a black baby?” "Are you SURE you want to do this?" "Do you know how expensive raising a child can be?"

None of these questions stopped me from doing what I knew God wanted me to do. My life had been hard enough already. Life-threatening cancer at 19, parents divorce after almost 30 years, how tough could raising a baby really be!?!? Notice I didn't say black baby. When I see pictures of our time in Ethiopia, I do not see black and white. I see people who need God's love just like I do. There is no color there. And when I look at Larkin, I do not see a black baby. I see my baby.

Don’t get me wrong. I knew the stereotypes that small-town America had (still has) about white girls and black babies. But that wasn’t what this was about. This was about me bringing a smart, determined, inquisitive little boy into my family. And this was about the feeling that I had two years before, while I stood in a tiny room with a dirt floor and held a chunk of a baby boy in Ethiopia. My heart was ripped from my chest. And my heart came back to me in the arms of another little boy-a little older, a little more scarred, a little tougher of a life endured. But my heart returned.

And now I allow that same little boy to carry my heart with him wherever he goes. Because let’s face it, I didn’t say no to him on this day in June of 2009, why would I start saying no to him now? Seriously, look at this face. Who can say no to that?

Here are some photos of Larkin with my family. They are much more supportive of my decision now that he is here for them to love!

Nine Months and counting

Wow! Nine months! On one hand, it feels like Larkin has been here for his entire life. On the other hand, it feels like I’m just starting this parenting thing. We have definitely had our good days and bad days…and some really not so great days!

From the moment I laid eyes on him in June, I was in love. If you had told me then, how much I would love him now, I wouldn’t have believed you. We have both grown so much as people. He has learned English and a lot of animal sounds! And I have learned how to be patient when it doesn’t seem possible.

I got teary eyed the other day at the grocery store thinking about how far we have come. From the days of Larkin not leaving my side and having to be in the same room with me, to now playing in the backyard while I plant flowers in the front yard. It seems so small, but it really is a huge thing.

I remember having to pick him up before I could get my car keys out of my purse, or there would be a meltdown that I might be leaving him. Now, he waves from his couch at the babysitter’s house as I head to work each day.

There were so many tears and tantrums because we didn’t speak each other’s language, but now, there are tantrums because I understand that he wants to stay up late and each popcorn, but I still say no.


We had days where the only sounds Larkin would make would be grunts or cries. Now, he can (almost) speak in full sentences. Especially sentences about things he really loves, like the movie Cars and his Mack truck...the best birthday present I could have purchased! Although it kept him from wanting to open any other presents ;)



Larkin used to be terrified of ALL animals! We have lost a cat and gained a kitten in the last nine months, and after we cried our tears over Harris, Larkin was eager to welcome Gus to our family! Larkin will even go to the fence to give Lola and Sampson a treat. He still doesn't want to be in the fence with him. And there are some days when I don't blame him! Larkin's love of animals continues to grow. Last Thursday we had a successful trip to the zoo. The only thing that scared him was the carousel. So he spent his time riding round and round in my arms. Baby steps....At least there were no tears when the elephants and giraffes were right next to the fence.

The picture below is of Larkin and his best friend, Finn, checking out the flamingos. It was hard to get pictures of the boys AND the animals.



Bedtime used to be a two hour disaster with both of us in tears. Now it is a fifteen minute quiet time where Larkin says “hold you” in the sweetest voice. So for that time each night, I am so thankful that he wants to be a part of my life. I know that some families have not had it as “easy” as we have. And I know that in a few very short years, he will not even want me in his room, much less holding him while he falls asleep. So, while there is laundry to be done, I will cherish those fifteen minutes because I know they will be gone too soon!

Larkin’s birthmother carried him in her body for nine months, and I am sure will carry the memory of him forever. And I will forever be thankful for the nine months that she nurtured him to become the healthy three year old that could play for hours in a pool.

Four Months (and three days) ago

Two and a half years ago, Zelalem Birtukan was born in Ethiopia to a very young mother. She did the best she could for him for (almost) the first two years of his life. Bouncing around from house to house, and spending some time on the streets, she loved him the only way that she knew how.

In March of 2010, she knew that love meant giving him to someone else. Zelalem means “forever” in Amharic. I know that she will forever have a hole in her heart for the decision that she made that March day.

And that forever decision changed my life.

On June 30, 2010, I received a phone call with information about a shy, reserved, two year old boy. Just hearing about his personality made me love him already. And once I saw the pictures, it was over! Baby Z was going to be my son!

As I prepared to welcome a two year old into my life, I read every adoption parenting book that I could find. I studied ways to transition him into my home, sleep patterns, and even the best developmental toys to help him learn and grow.

Larkin Elam Sanderson became a reality when I traveled to Ethiopia in August for my court date. I met Larkin on August 2nd and couldn’t get enough of him. And he seemed to feel the same way!

In September, (6 LONG weeks later), I traveled back to Ethiopia for my Embassy appointment and to bring Larkin home.

Four months (and three days) ago today, I traveled in a crowded van with other excited parents to pick up our children from the America World Transition Home. I am so thankful there aren’t seatbelt laws in Ethiopia because we were at maximum capacity (and then some) with our bundles of joy.

Each night as I lay with Larkin to put him to sleep, I am so thankful to his birthmother for her choice to allow me to be his forever mom.

Promises for a new year (with Larkin)

Promises for our first full year together

I promise to let you wear your sunglasses inside, in the car, at night, in the bathtub, and anywhere else that you think is necessary

I promise to let you choose to wear the black shoes, even if you have on brown pants

I promise to let you dump your toy baskets and walk away and not yell about it

I promise to go outside and blow bubbles, even when it is WAY too cold to be outside

I promise to find hair products that will allow me to comb your hair with no screaming involved

I promise to let you explore and play and figure out what you love the best

I promise (to try) to teach you to value your possessions

I promise to teach you respect for others, their opinions, and their beliefs

I promise to teach you to love SEC football and especially the Crimson Tide

But, I promise to allow you to go to school somewhere else if the scholarship is better (totally kidding on this one) (not really)

I promise to allow you to spend days in your pajamas

I promise to not always make you finish your vegetables

I promise to teach you other ways to dance than just with one arm

I promise to not freak out if you don’t have a nap or want to stay up an hour later

I promise to work on my sound effects for when you push boxes around like they are cars

I promise to try to not embarrass you in front of your friends (I said try)

I promise to take you on trips to the beach, the mountains, and the lake

I promise to share my love and fear for roller coasters

I promise to let you play an instrument and not complain when the sound makes my ears bleed

I promise to never abandon you and to love you unconditionally

I promise to make this the best year of your life (so far)

Accomplished

I had so many things that I wanted to accomplish during my month at home. I wanted to rearrange the furniture in my bedroom, organize the attic, and clean out the cabinets in the laundry room. Instead, I built a tower with blocks, learned to change my voice for different characters in a story, and semi-mastered a bedtime routine.

And I feel like I accomplished a lot. Giles County’s newest citizen has learned to find the toy department at Wal-Mart, appreciates the 5 cent coke at Reeves, and knows most of his great-grandfather’s friends at NHC on a first name basis. So while my bedroom may look the same, nothing else about my life remains unchanged.

Someone asked me earlier tonight if my life was completely different now. And without hesitation, I said yes. But it is the best kind of different I could have ever dreamed of. There are nights when Larkin refuses to sleep and wants to be rocked for 20 extra minutes and I have to remind myself that I chose this journey, and that 20 more minutes don’t compare to the two long years it took for him to arrive!

I don’t think I realized that something was missing from my life until he arrived. And I guess the saying is true that you don’t miss what you don’t have. Now, I could not imagine my life without him.

Decisions, Decisions

As I was organizing picture folders on my computer, I found one titled, “Baby Z.” We have come a long way! What started out as a two year compilation of boys and girls names was cut in half the day I got pictures and information about Baby Z. Baby Z then became a reality. I began to go through my list and pick out names that I could imagine myself saying for the next 70 years, and screaming across the house for the next 16 ;) I even screamed a few to see how it sounded.

I finally settled on Larkin thanks to my friend Erin’s book collection. She let me borrow a few books to read in July, and two of the books had someone named Larkin in them. The author of one book was Alli Larkin, and the other had an introduction written by David Larkin. I realize that Larkin was their last name, but I took it as a sign.

So Larkin was set! And the even harder part began! I had to come up with a way to turn Baby Z’s Ethiopian name, Zelalem, into a more American version. Thankfully, a wise woman helped out! My favorite granny from Collierville came up with Elam as a way to shorten Zelalem. I liked it, and put it on my list of names to consider.

One day while I was searching for meanings of names, I just put in Elam to see what the computer could tell me. In Amharic, Ethiopia’s language, Zelalem means forever. And I loved the idea of that. Adoption puts a child with a forever family, so I wanted to find some way to keep that meaning! So I was overjoyed when Elam came up as the Hebrew word for forever. I was over the moon with excitement! And that sealed it!

Larkin Elam Sanderson.

Home!!!

My plan is to update the blog with thoughts from the first trip to court and then post some thoughts as a full-time mom from the second trip. This first post is something I wrote on the plane ride back to America...so Im going to start at the end and work my way back. Sorry for the confusion! But I really wanted to share this first.

As I rode in the van for the last time in Addis, I looked at the children we passed on the street. Would Larkin be a student on the way to school or a beggar selling gum to a van full of tourists. Would he be a child at the church praying for healing or moving donkeys through traffic on the street?

He will be none of these things because he is my child. He will not walk the streets of Addis in search of food each day. As his mother, all his needs will be provided. I cry tears of joy at the fact that I dont have to worry if he was fed or if he has clean clothes. From this day forward, I can witness this for myself.

Gone are the days of putting myself first. Gone are the times where I can just throw a bag in the car and stay gone for a week. But I am not sad that these days are over. I am overjoyed that I have someone else to provide for. I am thrilled that I can share my family, friends, and life with my child. I am elated that Larkin has become a part of an amazing group that I call my family, even if we dont all have the same parents.

From this day forward, I am no longer just Shay Sanderson. I am Larkin's mom, and hopefully his hero!

Three Pounds

When I sent my paperwork to America World, the contents of the box weighed three pounds. Once I knew it was delivered safely, I think twenty pounds were lifted off my shoulders. Now that I have passed everything that the US requires, it is now time to hope and pray that Ethiopia is satisfied with it too! Then maybe another twenty pounds will be lifted!

I have a Fed Ex tracking number to obsess over for the next few weeks. The email I received today explained that it could take a while for it to arrive, and not to freak out if it stays in one place for a while. Yeah, right. Okay, I won't freak out! ha!

I just started a new adoption book the other night and I haven't gotten very far. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has adopted or is thinking of adopting. It is about creating the child's lifebook. A lifebook is different from a scrapbook or a typical baby book in that I wasn't there on the night he/she was born. I didn't give the first bath or bottle. So the lifebook focuses more on the child's country and its customs and traditions.

It also focuses on the child's birth family and the people at the orphanage. I know this will be a challenge to complete. I have already cried a few times, and I'm only on page 7! While reading the introduction, my excitement for this entire grueling process was renewed!

The book explains that children have a hard time understanding the concept of birth and adopted children have a hard time understanding that their lives are not a mistake. Knowing who our parents are is the physical part of birth, but knowing that we were born in the very heart of God is the spiritual part. Isn't that exciting!

Even though my child will not know his/her parents, I have a responsibility to tell my child the truth-good and bad. Secrets may make things easier in the beginning, but I do not want to start my forever family based on not telling the truth.

The book also explains that even though adoption is tough for the birthmother and the child, God uses it for the good of everyone. I was floored by that statement. I often sit and cry thinking of the pain and suffering my child's birthmother has or will suffer. I could not imagine giving away my child....MY child! But thankfully, she has made this tough decision so that I can have this child as a part of my family.

I feel relief when I think of the wonderful people that I met in Ethiopia. The same people I met two summers ago will be caring for my child until I am there to bring him/her home. This has given me peace of mind beyond belief. Yes, some other adoption agencies were cheaper and the wait not as long, but seeing the place that my child calls home and meeting the women who care for him/her is far more important than a little bit of money.

Thankfully, we had some great photographers on our trip. I am excited to use their creativity and talent to make my child's lifebook something that we will always treasure.

I bought "Where the Wild Things Are" tonight. I am leaning towards this as a nursery theme if I get a boy. I have ideas stirring in my head at night and I have to wake up to put them onto paper so that they are not lost between dreams and alarm clocks. There are many people who have used this book as a theme and their nurseries are very inspirational. I want the room to be something that can grow as the child grows. I do not want it to seem baby-ish and then have to change it again in a year. Although I may change it anyway ;)

And if it is a girl, I am totally screwed! How will I ever choose just one cute pink theme!?!?! I can always rely on my pink and green turtles! Lord knows I have enough of that stuff, thanks to college!

So I guess I wait and see. And while I wait, I am going to continue cleaning out closets and cabinets to make room for another person in this house! Let the wild rumpus begin!

Mother's Day

This time next year I will officially be celebrating Mother's Day! But for now, I am just waiting on that to happen. Lots has happened since my last post. I don't know why I don't get on here more often. I am not going to wait until 2011 to make a resolution...I am doing it now! So here's to more posts from me!

I sent my dossier (three pounds of paper) to the adoption agency on Friday, April 9th and officially joined the waiting list for a child on April 30th! I have been stalking the AWAA blog to see how fast others are being matched with their children. The fastest match was for a family that joined the waiting list on Feb. 5th and were matched on April 29th. Pretty fast! That encouraged me to get going on my house organizing and decorating!!

Since I did not choose a boy or a girl, I feel like I should get matched pretty quickly. So Operation Get This House In Order has officially begun!

I have a few nursery ideas floating around in my head, so I will post pictures of my ideas soon.

Since July

Every time I get on here, I tell myself that I really should update this thing more often. Right now there isn't much to talk about, as far as the adoption goes. My paperwork is ready to send to Ethiopia, as soon as the money comes in. From where, you might ask. Well, the answer is, I have no idea! But I know it will come in God's time, so I am not worried about it. Trust me, I have panic days, but most of the time, I am calm and collected. ha!

Since July, I have moved to a 4th grade class at school, after 6 years of 5th and 6th grade. And I was comfortable. Well, I cannot use that adjective anymore! I would say frustrated or frazzled would be better words for this year. I have a great group of children, and then a few that I wish would move. Every teacher has "those" children. And I was blessed with 5 or 6 of them. And when I move back up to 5th and 6th, I get these angels for 2 more years. I'm not sure what I did wrong as a child to deserve this punishment, but I know that everything happens for a reason, and they are in my room for some purpose that I clearly do not understand.

A week ago, my childhood home caught on fire in the middle of the night. To receive a 2 am phone call is not a good sign. The firemen did a great job of containing the fire-but it was in the upstairs. The upstairs filled with my childhood. Literally. Everything I had ever received as a child or teenager is still in that bedroom. Throughout the week, I have had to deal with this loss. While I did not live there any longer, I could always drive by and recall a random story from my youth. And now when I go by, I feel empty. I know those memories are not gone, and I know that it is not practical to think that memories would be made there again, but I had always hoped that this house would remain in our family. I don't know how that would have happened with my parents not married anymore, and me being on a teacher's salary, but I still had that dream. And I guess it was that dream that even allowed me to drive past the house. Now as I walk in and the roof is in my bedroom floor, and my sister's room has a complete view of the sky, that dream is gone.

I will forever treasure the Christmases with the living room full of presents from Santa. And countless hours doing homework at the breakfast room table. Or swimming and then jumping on the trampoline, in between Dirty Dancing or Clueless marathons. Or spending hours pretending not to look out the windows at the Martin boys. Or the many parties after football games, proms, or any other excuse to get together and crowd as many people as possible around Grandma's giant table.

If you are looking for my childhood, I know where it is. But it is much harder to recall when the house is half as tall.

International Justice Day

Today is International Justice Day, a day for us to look at the world around us and figure out what we can do to help others. It may be providing wells for clean water in Africa or protection for children who may be sold into prostitution. I am attaching a link to a video made by Mocha Club-the group that I traveled to Ethiopia with last year! Mocha Club started in Nashville by 2 of my favorite artists, Matt Wertz and Dave Barnes. The other founder is not a musician (that I know of), but an awesome guy-Barrett Ward. Barrett and his wife Rachel lived in Addis when I was there last summer and are adopting 2 girls from Ethiopia. Okay, I'm rambling. A friend said earlier that International Justice Day should be everyday! And he is right! Everyday should be Thanksgiving as well. Take a moment today to be thankful for your home, your safety, and clean water that flows from a tap, not from a stream 6 miles away. Enough from me. I will let the video do the rest. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1PdkA-FGWw

Family Update

I wish I could say things are better, but I can't. I stayed the night last night with Mom and it was the most time I have spent with her in over 2 years. And that is really hard to say. We did not argue like I thought we would, but it wasn't very peaceful either. I started a book last night when I got there and I finished it right after I left, so that tells you how much reading I did last night instead of talking. Talking to her is like talking to a wall. So I decided not to waste my breath. My grandparents are back up here tonight, so I get to stay at home! I may start on another book instead of sleeping, simply because I am so happy to be in my drama-free house. ha!

Stephanie's Update

Steph and the team are having a great time...as you can tell from her email!

Hey!We have had a lot more internet access this time around than I thought we would so I am going to take advantage of it! Sorry in advance - I typed this email on Tuesday night but wasn't able to send it until today. We actually have had internet at the house in Addis and here at the hotel in Nazareth. The only problem is there are 16 of us that have to share two computers here and only one at the house - and the service is SLOW - plus you have to pay for it by the minute. It isn’t very expensive but it is frustrating. I guess I should just be glad that we have access to it at all!Anyways - today we went to the Women at Risk center again. They have a bible study every morning so we went for that. I forgot how much I love to hear these people sing in Amharic! It is really pretty and they are very passionate while they are singing. Two of the women there shared their testimonies - well, I should say one of them shared. The other lady tried to share but she got extremely upset when she started talking about the time period when she lived on the streets since she had an infant daughter with her. I would love to know the rest of her story but maybe she will be able to share it some other morning. Two of our girls shared and I appreciate so much that they did. It is very hard to try and tell about our lives when you have just heard the horrendous things these women have been through. Our lives all just sound so wonderful and perfect - and for the most part they are - especially in comparison to what these women have dealt with. After the devotion time some of the team washed the women's’ feet and painted their nails while the rest of us colored with their little ones. We left for lunch and went to the market to get ingredients to make pizza with the women. Of course, we had to forget cheese while we were shopping - haha. We made homemade dough and sauce for the pizza while Dana attempted to find cheese for us at the other stores in town. She didn’t have any luck - I guess they don’t use cheese for much around here. That is so strange to me - but oh well. We improvised and make a kind of breadstick with the sauce spread on it and then rolled up. We just called them pizza rolls. I am not sure that the women liked them but they enjoyed making them and learning how to make the dough and sauce at least. I know pizza is an American thing and to them is very strange. They have tons of pizza places around Addis but the Ethiopians don’t eat there - only the tourists. So, that is what our day consisted of. It was a lot of fun and pretty exhausting! We will be going back there in the morning for their bible study and to spend some time with them before lunch. After lunch we have the afternoon off!!! I have no idea what that will consist of but we will see. I’m sure it will at least involve me e-mailing again. We are still trying to convince Dana, our leader, to let us go see Harry Potter since it comes out tomorrow. I think she will but it will probably be this weekend when we are back in Addis - I don’t know that they even have a theater here in Nazareth. Talk to you tomorrow probably!Love y’all-Steph

I was going to wait to see Harry Potter until Steph got home, but if they get to go in Addis, then I will not wait on her!! I am pretty proud of myself for offering to wait anyway ;)

Family

With Stephanie being gone, I am having to pick up the family slack for both of us. Usually this is pretty easy. But not right now. Our mom was diagnosed with depression in '99 after I was diagnosed with Leukemia and Lymphoma. For a while, the medicine worked as it should. Then, things took a wrong turn. After my parents divorced a few years ago, Mom became another person. Stephanie and I had little contact with her. It wasn't because I didn't want to be a part of her life, but I could not understand the things she was doing. So I chose to stay out of daily routine. Recently, things spiraled out of control. After much research, I feel that my mom was wrongly diagnosed. I am not sure what her official diagnosis should be, but if she were simply depressed, then her situation would not be what it is today. Lots of changes are occurring in our family-even as I write this. Please pray for healing for my mother, strength for my grandparents, uncles, aunts, and peace for all of us. I am not usually one who pours out these matters in a blog, but I just want you to know that I will need your unconditional love and support for a while. Don't get me wrong. I have always needed my friends! But right now, I need you more than ever. The only explanation I have for everything that is happening is that my mom is sick. She has been sick for a long time, and has not received the proper treatment. I can compare this to my illness. If I had not gone to the doctor and remained in the hospital for a few months, I can honestly say I would not be alive right now. And mental illness can be as deadly as a physical illness that goes untreated. I went through 2 years of chemotherapy and still visit the doctor once a year. And I know that it will take Mom years to overcome this as well. Thanks, in advance, for your prayers!

Nazareth

Stephanie and the group have traveled out of Addis, the capital city, and into Nazareth. Apparently, it is a much warmer climate with camels wandering around, rather than just cows. I know how the livestock just roam in Addis, but I am accustomed to cows. Not so much to camels! But I cannot wait to see the pictures! Here is her latest update. Please pray for healing for the sick people of the group. The elevation and climate are so different from ours that water is truly a vital part of everyday life there. Here is her letter:

Hey again!We are in Nazareth which is about 2 hours southeast of Addis (I think). It is a lot warmer here! Today we haven’t accomplished much. We are dropping like flies around here. We had a couple of people get really sick to their stomachs yesterday afternoon. So we all just fixed sandwiches and soup at the house. I had a grilled peanut butter sandwich ;-). It was fantastic, of course! This morning a couple of the girls got sick and one of them passed out in the hallway. She is a little better but now one of the other girls is sick. I am not sick and hope it stays that way!!! But anyways. We left the house this morning and went and ran some errands in Addis and then headed out here. I was dreading the ride because of how horrible the ride to Ambo was last summer, but I was pleasantly surprised! They have greatly improved the roads so it was paved the whole way. We were in quite a bit of traffic for the majority of the time and if you knew our bus driver you would understand that I was afraid for my life! We made it safely - even though Sammy refuses to ride behind ANYONE. After we checked into our hotel we went to the Women at Risk center. They offer a program for women that are prostitutes to help them with skills so they no longer will have to work on the streets. It seems like a great program and we are excited to get to learn about all they do and get to know them this week. Tomorrow we are all going to make pizza with the women and hopefully do some kind of arts and crafts with their children! There are four little ones that are there all day while their mothers are working and then there are 11 older children that are school age but they are coming to the center tomorrow since we will be there. The center has 11 women right now and that is the maximum they had hold due to resources. They offer them counseling and a salary for the work they do at the center while learning skills that will help them get a job after their 9 month time period is over. The first set of women that finished the program opened a cafe in town so we went there this afternoon to meet them also! The have a pet cat - everyone was petting it and it decided to attempt to climb my leg so I of course picked it up and held it. Most of the pets and animals around here are not very friendly - I don’t think they are used to being shown any attention - but this particular cat was very sweet. But anyways! Oh, they have camels here!!! We are so used to seeing donkeys and goats everywhere in Addis and Ambo but with the warmer weather here they have camels! Yay! Now we are going to attempt to find a pizza recipe and go to the store and buy the stuff to make it with the women tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed that it isn’t a disaster! Haha!I’ll e-mail again soon.Love y’all-Steph

The bus driver, Sammy, would be labeled with "Road Rage" here in the States, but there, it is totally normal. I felt at home with his driving when I was there! But I was a bit scared a few times. Luckily, we never hit any goats or people, but we had a few close calls ;)

Update from Stephanie

Reading her letters makes me feel as if I am there. And then I have tons of questions to ask her when I reply! I have decided to just include her letter, rather than telling you what it says. Some of her sentences don't make sense, but she said they are super tired! And I know that plane ride to Addis is not one that you can relax and sleep. But I am glad they made it safely and are having a great time! Here is her letter:

Hi everyone!!!

We made it! We are here in Addis. Just wanted to let y’all know that we made it fine - the plane ride from Dubai to Addis was pretty bumpy but it was ok. We have a TON of stuff as far as donations - you would not believe the amount of craft supplies we have - I have a feeling we won’t even use half of it. But oh well - they can find a use for it after we are gone. Yesterday we went to Hannah’s - which is an orphanage - and visited with them for a while. It rained the whole time so we piled into their big tv room and watch Chasing Liberty - it was in english with english subtitles - so one of the boys used the microphone and translated from the subtitles for the kids that can’t read english! It was a little strange but very funny!!! We had pizza for lunch - yay! And we had it again today - yay! Today's was awesome - even better than ours at home! We went to an Ethiopian Cultural restaurant last night for dinner. We eat their traditional food while they sang and danced. It was fun but we are all so exhausted and still had to come home and finish organizing all the donations. We finally went to sleep around midnight for our first normal night of sleep! Today we went to Kids Care where all the little babies are for a little while. After lunch we went to St. George’s Cathedral here in Addis and had a tour of the church. It was really pretty and something we didn’t get a chance to do last year - so that was nice! We back to the guest house we are staying to no electricity. Apparently on Saturdays they don’t have electricity here. The guest house we stayed at last year had a generator so we never went without electricity or hot water - not this year. But oh well! So we all took a nap - which was wonderful!!! Tomorrow we are going to church with our translator and to lunch somewhere and then hopefully to the market. We might get the chance to go to the internet cafe too. We have internet at the guest house - but without power it doesn’t do much good - haha! Oh, we have the same translator (plus two new ones) and the same bus driver as last year - so that is neat to get to spend time with them again! Monday we are heading out to Nazareth to a women’s center to spend some time with them! We are planning on doing crafts and maybe baking with them so that should be fun. One of the girls is going to teach all of us to crochet - I am excited about that!

I hope everything at home is going ok! Everyone here is really nice and no one is sick yet so lets just hope it stays that way!!! I am probably about to go back to bed - haha! We have all been so exhausted just from traveling and not getting to sleep like we should. So I will gladly go to bed early even after taking a nap! But anyways - I will e-mail again when I can!

Love y’all-

Steph

P.S. We have had pizza for the past three days - haha!

So you can see that they are loving the food! The Italians tried to take over Ethiopia during WWII, so that is why there is an abundance of pizza restaurants. I ate spaghetti at every nice restaurant we went to last year. It was the safe option for me. I was not brave in trying their foods. But, I will admit, the night I did try injera, it wasn't too bad. They make the food really spicy, so it hides any bad tastes! 

The Women's Center in Nazareth is a project that Mocha Club started a while back to help rehabilitate women who have been in prostitution. This center helps break the cycle and give these women job skills to better their lives. Many of these women are second and third generation prostitutes, so the center is helping show them another way of life so that they can change this pattern in their own daughters. And I think that it's really cool that the women are teaching them something in exchange. Last year we visited many places, but we never got to really exchange talents, so I am excited for Steph to come home and teach me to crochet! 

Ethiopia Trip Update

I just got my first (of hopefully many) updates from Stephanie. They were waiting for their plane in the Dubai airport and had wireless internet to use, so they all took advantage of it. I can just picture them all surrounding computers trying to write to everyone at home! Steph said that Dubai was simply amazing. She said she felt like she was in an adult Disney World. They got to see the world's tallest building, a 7-star hotel, and they had Coldstone Creamery at midnight! She said nothing ever closes, and they were glad, because they planned on doing a tour of the area when they got there-which was late! So instead of sleeping, they toured Dubai. Way to use all of your available time! They got to sleep some on the plane, so she feels rested. I'm sure that will change! Ethiopia has a way of wearing you out-but in a good way. I slept good every night I was there because I was simply exhausted. When you pour out your heart, spirit, and energy day after day, it can be a little tiring. But I know they are going to have a blast. I cannot wait to hear about the adorable little ones at Kid's Care. Maybe my little one is there. But for his or her sake, I hope not! I will keep you updated on Steph, as well as my emotional roller coaster, as she updates me.

I did really well today. I worked outside for most of the day, so I kept my mind busy. My yard looks like a professional was here. And I am not a professional! But I had neglected it for a while, and my focus had not been on the weeds, so I took care of those today! Tomorrow I am planning on laying out and reading a book. I'm sure that will keep my mind busy too!