Three Pounds

When I sent my paperwork to America World, the contents of the box weighed three pounds. Once I knew it was delivered safely, I think twenty pounds were lifted off my shoulders. Now that I have passed everything that the US requires, it is now time to hope and pray that Ethiopia is satisfied with it too! Then maybe another twenty pounds will be lifted!

I have a Fed Ex tracking number to obsess over for the next few weeks. The email I received today explained that it could take a while for it to arrive, and not to freak out if it stays in one place for a while. Yeah, right. Okay, I won't freak out! ha!

I just started a new adoption book the other night and I haven't gotten very far. I highly recommend this book for anyone who has adopted or is thinking of adopting. It is about creating the child's lifebook. A lifebook is different from a scrapbook or a typical baby book in that I wasn't there on the night he/she was born. I didn't give the first bath or bottle. So the lifebook focuses more on the child's country and its customs and traditions.

It also focuses on the child's birth family and the people at the orphanage. I know this will be a challenge to complete. I have already cried a few times, and I'm only on page 7! While reading the introduction, my excitement for this entire grueling process was renewed!

The book explains that children have a hard time understanding the concept of birth and adopted children have a hard time understanding that their lives are not a mistake. Knowing who our parents are is the physical part of birth, but knowing that we were born in the very heart of God is the spiritual part. Isn't that exciting!

Even though my child will not know his/her parents, I have a responsibility to tell my child the truth-good and bad. Secrets may make things easier in the beginning, but I do not want to start my forever family based on not telling the truth.

The book also explains that even though adoption is tough for the birthmother and the child, God uses it for the good of everyone. I was floored by that statement. I often sit and cry thinking of the pain and suffering my child's birthmother has or will suffer. I could not imagine giving away my child....MY child! But thankfully, she has made this tough decision so that I can have this child as a part of my family.

I feel relief when I think of the wonderful people that I met in Ethiopia. The same people I met two summers ago will be caring for my child until I am there to bring him/her home. This has given me peace of mind beyond belief. Yes, some other adoption agencies were cheaper and the wait not as long, but seeing the place that my child calls home and meeting the women who care for him/her is far more important than a little bit of money.

Thankfully, we had some great photographers on our trip. I am excited to use their creativity and talent to make my child's lifebook something that we will always treasure.

I bought "Where the Wild Things Are" tonight. I am leaning towards this as a nursery theme if I get a boy. I have ideas stirring in my head at night and I have to wake up to put them onto paper so that they are not lost between dreams and alarm clocks. There are many people who have used this book as a theme and their nurseries are very inspirational. I want the room to be something that can grow as the child grows. I do not want it to seem baby-ish and then have to change it again in a year. Although I may change it anyway ;)

And if it is a girl, I am totally screwed! How will I ever choose just one cute pink theme!?!?! I can always rely on my pink and green turtles! Lord knows I have enough of that stuff, thanks to college!

So I guess I wait and see. And while I wait, I am going to continue cleaning out closets and cabinets to make room for another person in this house! Let the wild rumpus begin!

Mother's Day

This time next year I will officially be celebrating Mother's Day! But for now, I am just waiting on that to happen. Lots has happened since my last post. I don't know why I don't get on here more often. I am not going to wait until 2011 to make a resolution...I am doing it now! So here's to more posts from me!

I sent my dossier (three pounds of paper) to the adoption agency on Friday, April 9th and officially joined the waiting list for a child on April 30th! I have been stalking the AWAA blog to see how fast others are being matched with their children. The fastest match was for a family that joined the waiting list on Feb. 5th and were matched on April 29th. Pretty fast! That encouraged me to get going on my house organizing and decorating!!

Since I did not choose a boy or a girl, I feel like I should get matched pretty quickly. So Operation Get This House In Order has officially begun!

I have a few nursery ideas floating around in my head, so I will post pictures of my ideas soon.

Since July

Every time I get on here, I tell myself that I really should update this thing more often. Right now there isn't much to talk about, as far as the adoption goes. My paperwork is ready to send to Ethiopia, as soon as the money comes in. From where, you might ask. Well, the answer is, I have no idea! But I know it will come in God's time, so I am not worried about it. Trust me, I have panic days, but most of the time, I am calm and collected. ha!

Since July, I have moved to a 4th grade class at school, after 6 years of 5th and 6th grade. And I was comfortable. Well, I cannot use that adjective anymore! I would say frustrated or frazzled would be better words for this year. I have a great group of children, and then a few that I wish would move. Every teacher has "those" children. And I was blessed with 5 or 6 of them. And when I move back up to 5th and 6th, I get these angels for 2 more years. I'm not sure what I did wrong as a child to deserve this punishment, but I know that everything happens for a reason, and they are in my room for some purpose that I clearly do not understand.

A week ago, my childhood home caught on fire in the middle of the night. To receive a 2 am phone call is not a good sign. The firemen did a great job of containing the fire-but it was in the upstairs. The upstairs filled with my childhood. Literally. Everything I had ever received as a child or teenager is still in that bedroom. Throughout the week, I have had to deal with this loss. While I did not live there any longer, I could always drive by and recall a random story from my youth. And now when I go by, I feel empty. I know those memories are not gone, and I know that it is not practical to think that memories would be made there again, but I had always hoped that this house would remain in our family. I don't know how that would have happened with my parents not married anymore, and me being on a teacher's salary, but I still had that dream. And I guess it was that dream that even allowed me to drive past the house. Now as I walk in and the roof is in my bedroom floor, and my sister's room has a complete view of the sky, that dream is gone.

I will forever treasure the Christmases with the living room full of presents from Santa. And countless hours doing homework at the breakfast room table. Or swimming and then jumping on the trampoline, in between Dirty Dancing or Clueless marathons. Or spending hours pretending not to look out the windows at the Martin boys. Or the many parties after football games, proms, or any other excuse to get together and crowd as many people as possible around Grandma's giant table.

If you are looking for my childhood, I know where it is. But it is much harder to recall when the house is half as tall.

International Justice Day

Today is International Justice Day, a day for us to look at the world around us and figure out what we can do to help others. It may be providing wells for clean water in Africa or protection for children who may be sold into prostitution. I am attaching a link to a video made by Mocha Club-the group that I traveled to Ethiopia with last year! Mocha Club started in Nashville by 2 of my favorite artists, Matt Wertz and Dave Barnes. The other founder is not a musician (that I know of), but an awesome guy-Barrett Ward. Barrett and his wife Rachel lived in Addis when I was there last summer and are adopting 2 girls from Ethiopia. Okay, I'm rambling. A friend said earlier that International Justice Day should be everyday! And he is right! Everyday should be Thanksgiving as well. Take a moment today to be thankful for your home, your safety, and clean water that flows from a tap, not from a stream 6 miles away. Enough from me. I will let the video do the rest. Here's the link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1PdkA-FGWw

Family Update

I wish I could say things are better, but I can't. I stayed the night last night with Mom and it was the most time I have spent with her in over 2 years. And that is really hard to say. We did not argue like I thought we would, but it wasn't very peaceful either. I started a book last night when I got there and I finished it right after I left, so that tells you how much reading I did last night instead of talking. Talking to her is like talking to a wall. So I decided not to waste my breath. My grandparents are back up here tonight, so I get to stay at home! I may start on another book instead of sleeping, simply because I am so happy to be in my drama-free house. ha!

Stephanie's Update

Steph and the team are having a great time...as you can tell from her email!

Hey!We have had a lot more internet access this time around than I thought we would so I am going to take advantage of it! Sorry in advance - I typed this email on Tuesday night but wasn't able to send it until today. We actually have had internet at the house in Addis and here at the hotel in Nazareth. The only problem is there are 16 of us that have to share two computers here and only one at the house - and the service is SLOW - plus you have to pay for it by the minute. It isn’t very expensive but it is frustrating. I guess I should just be glad that we have access to it at all!Anyways - today we went to the Women at Risk center again. They have a bible study every morning so we went for that. I forgot how much I love to hear these people sing in Amharic! It is really pretty and they are very passionate while they are singing. Two of the women there shared their testimonies - well, I should say one of them shared. The other lady tried to share but she got extremely upset when she started talking about the time period when she lived on the streets since she had an infant daughter with her. I would love to know the rest of her story but maybe she will be able to share it some other morning. Two of our girls shared and I appreciate so much that they did. It is very hard to try and tell about our lives when you have just heard the horrendous things these women have been through. Our lives all just sound so wonderful and perfect - and for the most part they are - especially in comparison to what these women have dealt with. After the devotion time some of the team washed the women's’ feet and painted their nails while the rest of us colored with their little ones. We left for lunch and went to the market to get ingredients to make pizza with the women. Of course, we had to forget cheese while we were shopping - haha. We made homemade dough and sauce for the pizza while Dana attempted to find cheese for us at the other stores in town. She didn’t have any luck - I guess they don’t use cheese for much around here. That is so strange to me - but oh well. We improvised and make a kind of breadstick with the sauce spread on it and then rolled up. We just called them pizza rolls. I am not sure that the women liked them but they enjoyed making them and learning how to make the dough and sauce at least. I know pizza is an American thing and to them is very strange. They have tons of pizza places around Addis but the Ethiopians don’t eat there - only the tourists. So, that is what our day consisted of. It was a lot of fun and pretty exhausting! We will be going back there in the morning for their bible study and to spend some time with them before lunch. After lunch we have the afternoon off!!! I have no idea what that will consist of but we will see. I’m sure it will at least involve me e-mailing again. We are still trying to convince Dana, our leader, to let us go see Harry Potter since it comes out tomorrow. I think she will but it will probably be this weekend when we are back in Addis - I don’t know that they even have a theater here in Nazareth. Talk to you tomorrow probably!Love y’all-Steph

I was going to wait to see Harry Potter until Steph got home, but if they get to go in Addis, then I will not wait on her!! I am pretty proud of myself for offering to wait anyway ;)

Family

With Stephanie being gone, I am having to pick up the family slack for both of us. Usually this is pretty easy. But not right now. Our mom was diagnosed with depression in '99 after I was diagnosed with Leukemia and Lymphoma. For a while, the medicine worked as it should. Then, things took a wrong turn. After my parents divorced a few years ago, Mom became another person. Stephanie and I had little contact with her. It wasn't because I didn't want to be a part of her life, but I could not understand the things she was doing. So I chose to stay out of daily routine. Recently, things spiraled out of control. After much research, I feel that my mom was wrongly diagnosed. I am not sure what her official diagnosis should be, but if she were simply depressed, then her situation would not be what it is today. Lots of changes are occurring in our family-even as I write this. Please pray for healing for my mother, strength for my grandparents, uncles, aunts, and peace for all of us. I am not usually one who pours out these matters in a blog, but I just want you to know that I will need your unconditional love and support for a while. Don't get me wrong. I have always needed my friends! But right now, I need you more than ever. The only explanation I have for everything that is happening is that my mom is sick. She has been sick for a long time, and has not received the proper treatment. I can compare this to my illness. If I had not gone to the doctor and remained in the hospital for a few months, I can honestly say I would not be alive right now. And mental illness can be as deadly as a physical illness that goes untreated. I went through 2 years of chemotherapy and still visit the doctor once a year. And I know that it will take Mom years to overcome this as well. Thanks, in advance, for your prayers!